Virtual Bracketology

My mom accused me recently of having "too much free time." Well, I've never been one to consider having too much free time to be a problem. But what is a problem is that I really only go to four websites with this free time. Facebook, ESPN, Addicting games (I'm a huge fan), and Yahoo fantasy. ESPN has a great feature, where they create a video game simulation of big games that happen to be going on. This week, I came across the ESPN March Madness 08 simulation of the Final Four.

This thing is great. It gives you a written version of the highlights of the "game" right up to Kevin Love's turn-around jump hook over Joey Dorsey with 4.8 seconds remaining in the semifinal. Now why is that such good news? March Madness 08 has a championship game final score of UCLA 66-UNC 64, which means 144 bracket points and a victory for me.

And you know what? I now feel infinitely more confident in my picks. And this was before I came across another ESPN promotion, Accuscore. Using a system of computers much more complicated than I could even begin to imagine, Accuscore plays each game at least 10,000 times, and calculates the likelihood of each team winning. Accuscore has UCLA beating Memphis by an average score of 69.8-69.1, and UNC beating Kansas by an average score of 81.1-80.1. This is all very good news for yours truly. Although I'm sure I've now put the mega-jinx on it all. But by this time Monday, we'll know for sure.

The Aubrey Huff Show
The paid attendance for Wednesday's Orioles-Rays game in Baltimore was 10,505. After seeing the highlights, saying that 5,000 actually showed up is probably a stretch. Oriole DH Aubrey Huff's line in that game... 2-4, HR, 2 RBI, enough to make even the smallest home crowd make some serious noise, right? Well, if you're talking about the boo birds and cat calls, then you've got the right idea.

See, apparently Aubrey thought that the fine people of the Greater Baltimore Area would take kindly to the fact that he called their city a "horseshit town" on Sirius Radio's Bubba the Love Sponge Program in November. Always important to endear yourself to the hometown crowd. He might be the most hated player in his own park since Fenway mercilessly booed Carl Everett for his ongoing controversy with Boston management and media. Everett also unleashed this gem in 2001. "[Dinosaurs] didn't exist. God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex." Yikes! But as "Jurassic Carl" said himself, "I'm crazy, but I'm fun crazy."

Anyway, the pleasantries Huff shared for Baltimore may have been the least interesting part of his radio appearance. Apparently, he's also Major League Baseball's modern day Wilt Chamberlain, and it has nothing to do with his abilities as an athlete.

Producer: "...Who in here knows exactly how many women they've slept with?
Bubba: "Aubrey!"
Aubrey: "I couldn't even begin to tell ya. I couldn't even give ya a ballpark. I know I'm over..."
Bubba: "Five hundred?"
Aubrey: "No, no! I'd say between 2 and 300.

And who would have thought that there were any similarities between Huff and Trevir Nath...

Bubba: "Now Aubrey, do you jack off a lot on the road, like when you're not with your wife."
Huff: "It's all I do. It's all I do. You guys have no idea how much downtime there is in baseball. You wake up from a hangover about 1 o'clock."
Producer shouts: "In the afternoon?"
Huff: "Oh, yeah! Lemme tell you this. When you are hung over, how horny are you? I'm horny, when I'm hungover, I'm horny. So I'm just gonna beat off. And that's all I do."

On a related note, the Orioles are going off at 200-1 to win the World Series, by far the longest odds in baseball.

Ramblings
After watching my Quinnipiac Bobcats lose to Yale 19-13 Wednesday afternoon, I've made it my goal to get in some form of shape and attempt my comeback. Call it a pipe dream (and I'm sure you will), but I saw no reason why I couldn't at least just be a bench player for this team. They really aren't any good at all... I'm back watching the NHL, and I'm back on the Washington Capitals bandwagon. Those of you in Maryland should really take a good look at these guys. Root for some playoff hockey in the Metro Area... My Beat the Streak hitting streak was up to 3 when I decided to get cute on Wednesday by picking Hank Blalock, who promptly went 0-3. Thursday wasn't much better, as perennial pretty boy Derek Jeter went hitless as well. I'm starting to realize this might be harder than it looks.