Dirtbag? Roger That

When reports surfaced that Roger Clemens had been involved in an affair with country singer Mindy McCready, I didn't think much of it. After all, the report was broken by Brian McNamee's lawyers, and I assumed they were just trying to soil his reputation. When it became clear that the affair may have started when McCready was just 15, I was even less inclined to believe it. I was prepared to give Roger the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he did steroids, but his morals have to be at least in tact enough that he wouldn't cheat on his wife. At least not with someone who isn't of consenting age. Right? Maybe?

Maybe not. I waited for the singer to come out and deny that anything ever happened. I waited for Roger to come out and deny that anything ever happened. The first statement was issued not by Clemens, but his lawyer instead. Predictably, the statement read, "It is unfortunate that the Daily News has chosen to report anonymous allegations that are completely unfounded, have no basis in fact, and have nothing to do with Roger's baseball career or the issue of steroid use in baseball."

Later that day, Mindy McCready issued her statement. And to my surprise, it was hardly a denial. "I cannot refute anything in the story," she said to FOX News. So, to recap... When Roger was 28, and married with 2 kids, he was takin' it to the house (yeah, I brought it back) with a 15 year old girl he picked up at a karaoke bar.

But then, more accusations of adultery. This time with John Daly's ex wife. She will not make any comment on the story, saying "I will not comment on this story." I'm very excited. This just can't be stopped. Who's next? I hope more women are reported to have been romantically involved with Clemens. Hell, I hope men are reported to have been romantically involved with Roger Clemens. This just can't get any better.

Roger is looking more and more like an absolute trainwreck everyday. At this point, there is literally nothing that could surface about the Rocket and surprise me. Bill Simmons calls this "The Tyson Zone". So without further ado, here is my list, in no particular order, of my favorite trainwrecks.

Pacman Jones- It takes a rare talent to do what Pacman did. In a 2 year period, he was arrested 3 times, and was stopped or questioned by police multiple other times. During his suspension from the NFL, he focused on a rap album (he hadn't already?), and signed a contract with TNA wrestling. TO and Pacman on the same team? How can this possibly be a good thing for the Cowboys? As TO would say, "Get ya popcorn ready."

John Rocker- So apparently, John Rocker's not a fan of the gays. Go figure. What was he doing riding the 7 train to Shea Stadium anyway? (One player who used to ride the 7 train to Shea when he was with the Mets was John Olerud) People think Rocker dropped off the face of the earth after his little rant about the New York City Subway system. But no, he still exists. In 2002, he starred in the movie The Greenskeeper. Surely a box office smash. He's appeared on Pros vs. Joes, where he took it upon himself to shut up a trash-talking Joe by throwing at his head. He's even begun to speak of himself in the third person, saying "Bud Selig knew in the year 2000 John Rocker was taking the juice." Nice.

O.J. Simpson- Speaking of the juice, this one is almost too easy. It was as if he thought he had been out of the news for too long. Yes, everyone knows he got away with killing his ex-wife and her new husband. Everyone knows about the police chase with the white Bronco. Apparently, that story had gotten old. So The Juice decided he would rob a Vegas casino of all its sports memorabilia. It's absolutely uncanny. I don't think people of our generation grasp how bizzare the O.J. situation is. He was a two time NFL player of the year and a six time Pro Bowler. He was the first player ever to rush for 2000 yards in a single season. Imagine if, 20 years from now, LaDanian Tomlinson is charged with murder, acquitted, and then robs a casino of millions of dollars of memorabilia. Wouldn't that seem to be an unprecedented fall from grace. Well, this is what the O.J. Simpson story feels like to people who watched him play.

The New York Knickerbockers- When your most productive and consistent player is a white guy (I guess I could really stop there) who comes off the bench, you know you have some serious problems. Although David Lee isn't your stereotypical white guy, he did win the McDonalds All-American High School Dunk Contest back in the day. But nevertheless, they really should win the lottery by default. I don't care if they don't have the worst record in the league, they lost to the Celtics by 55 points. That's a team in need of some serious help. (By the way, did anyone else find it ironic that Isiah wore an autism pin on his jacket lapel all season?)


Around the Diamond
From the when you're hot, you're hot department: The Dodgers, trying ever so hard to make me look good for picking them to win the NL West, have won 6 straight games. Good work, Torre and Co, but not as good as the sizzling D-backs. The Dodgers are still 5 games back despite their recent winning streak, and Arizona shows no signs of slowing down. Take Micah Owings for example. In Wednesday's game against the Astros, he came through with a pinch-hit home run. A rather insignificant stat, until you realize Micah Owings is a pitcher. Teammates say this guy could hit 35-40 HR's if he was an everyday player. And oh by the way, Owings is also 4-0 with a 3.48 ERA this season.

From the when you're not, you're not department: The New York Yankees. Whoooaaaa, doctor! Jorge Posada went on the DL earlier this week for the first time in his career (maybe he can get finally get his massive ears taken care of while he's gone). He was soon followed by A-Rod (if a guy goes on the DL, can he still strike out with the bases loaded?). And now Phil Hughes takes his turn on the shelf (wait a minute, you can go on the DL for sucking now? When did this happen?). After getting swept by the newly rejuvenated Tigers, I'm expecting a Hank outburst sometime this weekend. Should make for a good time.

Ramblings
Some of you may have heard me talk about Bobby Brownlie. Bobby went to Edison HS, and pitched for Rutgers while he worked for the World Famous Baseball Warehouse. He was a first round draft pick by the Cubs in 2002. I worked out with him a couple of times and he's absolutely hilarious. My two favorite stories of his involve anal sex and Dusty Baker (I promise they're two different stories). He's had arm problems and bounced around a couple organizations. He was picked up by the Nationals in the offseason and is 3-0 with a 2.78 ERA in AA Harrisburg. The Red Sox still have a player to be named later to collect on from the Wily Mo Pena deal last year, so Theo, if you're reading, for me, take a flier on Bobby for me. It would be greatly appreciated... Brian Monack, the QU centerfielder who was featured on SportsCenter's Top Plays, was interviewed on First Take on Wednesday. This 5 minute interview may have been the highlight of my freshman year... Speaking of that catch, I've been told that the video shows someone helping Monack back over the fence who bears a striking resemblance to me. Just to clear things up, it is not me. I choose to watch the games from behind home plate... Good luck on finals, everyone.